Once you've tasted that burn, felt that rush, experienced that power you can't stop yourself. Your body seems to seek out, to crave more and more punishment. I guess that's why we fall in love. Or is it just lust? I think so. How do we, mere mortals, understand such a concept?
Sitting in the dark. Stealth typing. It's the only way that I can express these words. When I know that no one is watching. When I can barely see what these words are myself.
I can't contradict words that I haven't read.
"A wise woman kisses, but doesn't love, Listens but doesn't believe, and leaves before she is left."
And now, I believe it is time to leave. I know I wont be left. But, I think that I no longer love. And how can one believe when one has nothing left to listen to? I cant remember the last time that we spoke for hours. Mns goes silent. The phone never rings. Barely a text. Only really to ask when I' coming over.
I don't know if you're going to read any of this. In a way, I hope you do. In another, you don't. I want to say this to your face. But, then, what the hell am I supposed to say to you? What if I end up like Ella's friend...?
We never talk. Not any more. Who would want to use words, now a days. All you need to know about a person you can get from the moment that they walk into a room.
I was drunk.
I just don't have the time any more. And we both know that I'm not good enough. You deserve someone whose mother doesn't control their life, and who will give you what you want, what you need. Someone who will spend every possible moment with you, someone who plays video-games, someone who just isn't me.
We just don't talk like we used to. And, you know, what? Sometimes I forget why I'm with you. I do. And I don't want to. I lay here for well over a hour last night shaking uncontrollably, tears streaming thick and fast down my cheeks like the cascading torrents of a waterfall. All because I planted the idea in my head that I was going to end it with you. And I really think that I am. Because you do deserve someone better than me.
You deserve so much more.
x
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