I got to know you.

Gargh. The only reason that I am on-line at the moment, is because I'm waiting for you to appear. Please, if your reading this, know how much I want to talk to you right now. I am actually considering picking up the phone and ringing you, I am that desperate to hear your voice. Please, please get better. I know what I said the other day about how you shouldn't be on the computer if your sick, well fuck that!!! Be on the computer!!! Please, I need to talk to you. I need to see you. I need to hear your voice so frikken badly it hurts.

I want to know how people see me. I want to know what I look like from the outside. I don't want any of this airy-fairy bollocks. I want you to tell me exactly who I am.
I'm a bitch. I am such a freaking cow.
I'm surprised I have anyone that stands buy me.
I'm such a stuck-up, pretentious, snobby git.
I'm so vain. I try to act like this tough bitch who you don't want to mess with. Fuck it.
I'm not fooling anyone.
I'm the one that everyone bitches about.
I'm the one that everyone says, "My God, she's so frikken annoying, no body likes her, she is such a stuck up snob! Eurgh, she thinks she is so cool. She's just a freaking wannabe!! Who the hell does she think she's fooling...?"

Alex told me that Shannon always bitched about me to him. Alex said that Shannon always told him, I fucking hate Madd, she's such a prissy wannabe, "have you seen the nose on that one? It's like a fucking Arab's, it's huge."

I'm actually sitting here, bawling my eyes out now. Is that how people describe me? That chick with the green hair, and the Noes? It's not the fact that he said it was big. I know it is. I've always hated my noes. But, the fact that Shannon said she looks like a fucking Arab.
Shannon, I am an Arab. Fuck you. My grandmother was Palestinian, and I am god-damned proud of that. It's the fact that you never even got to know me, you never even bothered to try!! Shannon, I got to know you, I tried. I may have been a bitch of a bitch to you, but I've never done it out of malice. I was only ever having a joke. And, to be honest, I was actually sad to see you go. I'd miss you. I always thought that you were alright.
I got to know you.

But what do you know about me?

I'm sitting here, tears are streaming down my cheeks, and you want to know what makes me the most sad of all? It's that I can't talk to you right now, you can't make it all better. And that would mean the world to me.